


Resurface

by Arrival_Of_Dawn



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Joel lives, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Shock, Spoilers, TLOU2 spoilers, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25130077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arrival_Of_Dawn/pseuds/Arrival_Of_Dawn
Summary: Ellie is grateful for her life with Dina and JJ, but she can't shake the weight of the past. She still hears Joel's screams. She still sees him. Her mind likes to drag her to the deep end, mixing reality with horror, but she has support from those she loves. From Dina and from Joel.Also known as a rewrite of that domestic scene with an added bonus.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Joel (The Last of Us)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 131





	Resurface

There was something incredibly wholesome about domestic living. Almost indescribable for Ellie as she never in her wildest dreams thought she would have this be her life. For so long living had been about survival and only that. But here on their shared farm she could survive and thrive.

And as she patted JJ’s back through the sling as they diligently herded the sheep back into the barn she couldn’t help how warm she felt. It wasn’t from the late afternoon dying heat. It came from inside and she felt it the most whenever she was with Dina and JJ. Sometimes the warmth threatened to break her, choke her from the inside out under the guise of being undeserving somehow. As if she was not worthy of happiness after everything that happened in her life. She was working on not letting the thoughts strip her bare and sink her. And it certainly helped to have Dina by her side, smiling, singing, holding her, and their littlest one to coo up at her eagerly when she came to collect him.

Even the simple act of herding the final sheep into the barn gave rise to this intense satisfaction she was so sure she would never have felt. Not without Dina. Not without Jesse or Tommy or Jackson. Not without Joel…

She deserved this. And if anything she figured living this way was right up her alley. It defied the reality they found themselves apart of. Ellie had always been one to defy the odds for as long as she could remember, and having the domestic adoration she had now was the biggest middle finger she could put up to the universe and anyone that dared cross her.

JJ made a sound as the tiniest sheep darted past Ellie’s legs and into the back of the barn. Unperturbed Ellie crossed the length of the barn and once close enough she bent lower to beckon the sheep forward.

“Come on, little dude.”

The sheep darted away knocking over tools. The impact of metal on the ground sent Ellie’s heart plummeting as Joel’s grunts of pain seared through her skull. A flash of his face, bloody and broken, flitted past her eyes.

Ellie’s chest ached as she stood rigid and moaned. She remembered her breathing and began to release the tension in her body as she took deep, laborious breaths. She rested a hand against JJ’s back to ground herself as she continued breathing, begging the heart palpitations to relent.

Turning around she noticed the sheep rushing to the barn door that was rocking back and forth due to some impending storm she had no clue was coming.

“Come on little guy,” Ellie said as she padded towards him. “Don’t you wanna eat?”

The sheep looked at her then turned its head away. It darted back through the barn door and now Ellie was a little frustrated. She picked up the pace in the hopes to collect the sheep before the storm worsened when the barn door slammed shut in her face plunging her into oppressive darkness.

A squeaky wheeze escaped Ellie’s lips. Her heart rate shot up through her throat and came out in ragged breaths she had zero chance of controlling now. Heat exploded in her face as tears collected in her eyes. Her panicked breaths left her chest in shambles, feeling as if someone had plunged their hand in through her ribs and began a slow clench on her heart. It strained to continue beating against the iron grasp and this time a few tears did leak down her feverish cheeks.

A short beam of light flickered into existence, her flashlight attached to her jacket, and in her confusion she took in concrete walls and a set of stairs.

“Ellie!” Joel screamed.

All thought left Ellie as terror gripped her and held fast. She was going to be sick. She couldn’t breathe. The stairs illuminated and without commanding them her legs hurried down.

“No, no, no…”

“Help me!” Joel’s anguish was a solid blow to Ellie’s heart.

In her blind haste her foot slipped out from under her and it was by sheer force of will to get to Joel that she kept on her feet and continued down the stairs.

He shouted in pain just as the white wooden door cleared Ellie’s vision. A large, wet, blood stain welled under the door. The ringing in her ears was impossibly loud. Landing against the door she jiggled the knob. Another grunt of pain burst through the whining ring as blood pumped furiously through her. She threw herself against the door.

“Joel!” Ellie cried.

She tossed her shoulder into the door once. Twice. Pain blossomed, burning bright, but dulled in comparison to the massively sinking horror in her gut.

Joel cried out again, almost a sob.

“Please no!” Ellie continued furiously beating at the door with her body trying to throw it open.

“Ellie!” Joel’s voice was a harsh rasp held back by the haze of panicked memories.

Suddenly there was light again, dim almost evening light, but light that did not come from the flashlight clipped to her shirt. Someone was screaming so loud it was deafening. It was a heart wrenching guttural scream backed by years of trauma. Then, with a start, and a flash of stinging pain in her throat, Ellie realized it was her making those awful sounds.

Joel’s face appeared before her, marked by age and scars, but no blood. And Ellie screamed again throwing herself backwards away from the apparition. Her back heated as she hit the wood boards behind her and JJ cried.

Joel’s face twisted, despondent, disappointed maybe? But then there was Dina moving him aside so she could be in front.

She crouched down to be on level with Ellie. “Look at me,” she said and reached out to cup Ellie’s cheek in one of her warm hands. “It’s okay, you’re home. You’re home.”

Ellie’s shaking hands reached towards Dina trying to make sense of this. She missed Dina’s shoulder swiping blindly for purchase.

“Breathe. Breathe,” Dina instructed.

“I can’t!” Ellie choked on another wretched sob. “I can’t.”

“Okay,” Dina said softly. “Okay. I’m going to take him, okay?” Gently she lifted JJ from Ellie’s sling and murmured a soft, “C’mere bud,” as she then cradled her baby in her arms. She pulled back and lifted then began to bounce her crying son.

Ellie dropped her head to her knees. “I’m sorry.”

There was some shuffling and a soft whisper of, “meet us back in the house?”

Ellie couldn’t understand. She lifted her head, but no one besides Dina and JJ were in the barn. “I don’t know what…I was just bringing in the,” she gestured outside then brought a hand to her chest.

Her heart beat erratically thumped against her hand, though it gradually began to return to a normal resting rate. The blood pounding through her ears like a rushing river calmed enough for her to fully hear Dina as she consoled JJ.

“It’s okay. There we go.”

Ellie rubbed at her chest, allowing the final tears to slide down her cheeks as she fought for control of her breathing.

Dina was there, like she always was, with a comforting hand on Ellie’s back as she slid down to sit next to her.

“Oh man…” Ellie breathed.

Now that the worst of it was over and she could think rationally she was a little ashamed at how easily the attack had been triggered. Her lips pursed together in a deep frown and her eyebrows knitted together. Head pounding from the strain of it all she suddenly wanted nothing more than to sleep. The exhaustion after an attack was never comforting. If anything it was draining and aggravating all in one.

“It’s good,” Dina said lightly dragging Ellie away from darker thoughts. “Haven’t had any excitement in a while, hmm?” The hand that was on Ellie’s back was now rubbing soothingly over her knee.

Dina’s energy was just the right amount of calming and even JJ was affected as he nuzzled into her chest content.

Together they sat there until Ellie’s racing thoughts came under control, until her breathing flowed normally, and the flush in her cheeks was gone. She could never thank Dina enough for everything. She didn’t have to sit next to her on the muddy floor of the barn, but she did. She didn’t have to follow Ellie to Seattle and risk death, but she did. She didn’t have to stay…but she did.

Ellie was so lucky, and she recounted that thought over and over again.

By the time they made it back to the house it was dark and it was past time to put JJ to bed. Dina entered first, staring off at the dining table before she head upstairs to get JJ ready. Ellie shut the door behind her all achy and tired and more than ready to curl up in bed for a few hours when she saw him and froze.

There he was, sitting at their dining room table like nothing had happened, and for a startling moment Ellie feared she was dead. Then the memories flooded back to her, clear of the traumatic haze that blinded her earlier. Joel had been horribly wounded in the attack on his life, but he had survived. Ellie hated herself for forgetting, hated her brain for tricking her as it had earlier and as it had done in the past.

Joel must have sensed her unease, or her trepidation, as he stood from the table and led her to the back porch. As he passed by his scent hit Ellie and even more memories came back to her, good ones that she cherished from their time together, and she knew this was real.

Even in her immense relief at knowing Joel was alive and well, even with the permanent limp from the shot that nearly cost him his right leg, Ellie was ashamed. Ashamed of her behavior. Ashamed that she had not immediately recognized him when he tried to comfort her in the barn. Ashamed that she had let her trauma overtake her when she worked so hard to grow and move past it.

The pale moonlight decorated the field sprawled out before them and made the tips of the trees glisten silver. Ellie breathed in deep, taking in the deep scent carried through the woods and taking in Joel.

A prolonged silence fell between them. It would never be the same between them, but then Ellie wasn’t so sure she wanted to go back to how they had been. She was glad they had that conversation back at the hospital, and then back in Jackson the night before Joel almost died. They needed that. _She_ needed that.

And she had not been lying when she said she was ready to give him another chance, to forgive. She could not change the past, and Joel made it clear if given the chance neither would he, and she had learned to live with that.

Beyond that, looking out on what she had now; what she had with Dina and JJ, she was…grateful to Joel.

“Ellie, it’s not your fault,” Joel said finally breaking the thread of tension hanging between them.

Ellie swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding almost frenetically. “I know,” she murmured. Her body stilled as she chanced a look at Joel. “It’s yours.”

He used to be so good at holding fast to his sovereign mask, the one thing that kept him safe and shielded him in a world that only ever took and never gave. But after all they had been through, bit by bit, he let that mask slip around her. And standing here now she could see it clear as day. The pain that continued to screw up his heart and that was her fault. That she knew. Because she kept throwing his decision back in his face…

But without him she would not be here. Her life had a purpose now…even if not the one she had wanted.

He screwed his mouth shut, jaw going tight, and he looked away to lean against the porch and gaze out into the dark field lit only by moonlight.

She sighed heavily, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t right.”

“No, no, you’re…entitled to say that,” Joel said.

Silence hung between them again and Joel shifted so that he could better look at Ellie. She wasn’t so sure she wanted that.

“Want to tell me what happened back there?” he asked softly. “I’m a good listener.”

Ellie snorted. “You? That’s funny—,”

She caught sight of him and the earnest way he was looking at her, so full of love and concern and it damn near broke her heart again. She was being unnecessarily cruel at this point. She said she was going to give him a chance, and bit by bit she had, but then Seattle happened and she came back with far more scars, internal and external that soured her to the world and who she had been. She came out a different woman and part of her was scared…scared that Joel might see that and reject it. Reject her like she had him.

Then she and Dina left Jackson and made their home with JJ.

Ellie nodded solemnly. “Yeah, alright. I’ll tell you if you want.”

The hint of a smile ghosted across Joel’s face. He settled into his good hip and put weight on the undamaged leg in preparation.

Ellie noticed and ushered them back inside. Joel didn’t say it, but she saw the gratitude on his face when they sat down. And so, she told him. She told him about the flashbacks, and the memories melting together into one cruel tormenting dream like state. She told him about how her brain tricked her into believing he was dead sometimes and how she had such a hard time dealing with it. She told him almost everything, leaving out why she had left Jackson because that was a wound she was unprepared to open yet. And Joel sat there and listened and when she was done and spent he did something unexpected.

He came around the table and hugged her. Ellie jumped into it, physically, as she stood to accommodate him and allow him to lean some of his weight on her.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” he murmured softly into her hair.

“Joel…”

The warmth he radiating rolled around her just like his arms and held her close as she allowed herself to openly cry into his chest. She had thought by now there would be no more tears left, but earlier that had been against her will. She accepted them now and let them flow freely as Joel gently rocked her for a few beautiful moments.

She felt like a child again, which was odd cause she had never _truly_ felt like a kid in a world that stole childhood, but perhaps this was okay. She trusted Joel…trusted him enough to let down her own walls briefly.

He then pulled back, cradling her face in his hands, bringing back a locked away memory of when she was fourteen and panic stricken, and told her, “You’re okay. I’m alive. You’re alive.”

She nodded along with his words letting them fill her up. She lifted her hands to close around his as she shut her eyes tight. The last few tears came out, dropping to the floor beneath them, and when she pulled back from Joel’s grasp he let her.

“Thanks, Joel,” Ellie muttered.

“Of course.”

Ellie wanted to go to bed. She wanted to wash away the day and start fresh in the morning, but something kept her awake. She offered Joel the guest bedroom which he declined with an alarmingly charming, very dad-like, smile.

Instead he settled on the couch; an invitation. One Ellie readily took. So they spent the night sitting next to each other on the couch, Ellie with her legs kicked up and Joel with his bad knee propped. They didn’t speak much. They didn’t have to. But what words were exchanged was exactly what they both needed. Heavy hearts lifted a little higher, a little lighter, that night.

And when Dina came downstairs early in the morning she was surprised, and disappointed she didn’t have a camera on her, to find Ellie tucked in at Joel’s side with one of his arms draped around her shoulder. Their heads lightly resting on one another’s as the steady breathing of their chests rose and fell in sync.

Dina brought out a blanket and lightly pulled it over them both, heart swelling at the sight. Never had she seen either of them look so relaxed and tranquil. She could only hope that this was the proper beginning of their relationship mending. They earned that much at least.

And later that day when she made a little note to keep the guest room stocked with some of Joel’s things, no one complained.

**Author's Note:**

> I adore the sequel. I may not agree with how the developers went about everything, but I love the game. So, let's all have a good time, yeah.
> 
> Please enjoy a little fluffy piece that fits into one of two AU's I guess you can call them, that I have floating around in my head in regards to certain choices in the game. I may write more pieces exploring those ideas.
> 
> Also I'm replaying the first game and boy howdy do I really miss Joel.


End file.
